Can you imagine waiting to have sex until you meet someone so devastatingly beautiful it hurts your lungs to breathe just imagining a life without them? The kind of beauty that cannot be contained within only the heart. A beauty that floods your veins and fills you with the commodity of promise and hope that every rotten little thing about this life is going to be okay? Someone who shares all your beliefs? Trusts you and knows your heart; has your heart. A best friend you can laugh with, and cry your eyes out with on their shoulder moments later. Someone Worth. Dying. For. What would the sex be like then? Would you ever want to sleep with anyone else ever again? There are over six billion people on this planet, and out of all of them you are choosing to collide with one to express the ultimate act of vulnerability. Consider the possibility that this particular someone is the only someone you were ever supposed to have sex with. You trust them with all your heart, with every ounce and fiber of your very being. It’s fearless, unconditional love. So you’re never afraid to ask for anything in the bedroom, or on the kitchen table, the back seat of the car… or stand naked together in the middle of a room, all the lights on, not hiding yourself.
What would sex be like then if we were enveloped in trust instead of lust?
The idea here is that we save ourselves rather than give ourselves away to anyone who sends blood rushing to all the wrong places.
Society has this crazy notion that if someone declares they are “saving” themselves for marriage then this particular individual is not only out of their mind, they must be a Christian, which, of course, only shows just how “out of their mind” they really are.
But what if it wasn’t intended that only Christians should be living their life like this? What if it’s written on our hearts, on the very coding of our DNA to live this way? Is it possible we all stand to benefit from such a radical choice whether we believe in God, Buddha, Intelligent Design, or a Big Bang?
Why should Christians be the only ones having better sex than you?
Author and pastor Rob Bell asks the question in his book Sex God, “Are you worth dying for?” God seems to think so. Otherwise, why would He have sacrificed His only son? Are you willing to die for the ones you love in your life? Is she worth dying for? Would you lay down your life for the person you’re sleeping with tonight?
Once upon a time in another life I knew a girl. She was dangerous in all the right ways. A reckless cocktail waitress who left me wrecked. Covered in tattoos, she smelled of sex and cigarettes, and always grooved to a beat in her head I couldn’t hear. Our first and only date was an AA meeting we skipped to crash on the floor of her empty apartment where we shared a pack of smokes and a bottle of cheap grocery store wine. At four in the morning she informed me she’d be going to bed, and I was welcome to join. Perfect—precisely where I wanted to be, but I was frozen. I liked this girl. I wanted to know her, and make her laugh. Most importantly, I wanted to earn my time with her—not have it handed over and thrown away the next morning. She exposed herself, became vulnerable for me, and I rejected her.
I didn’t sleep with her because (and I know this might sound crazy enough to lock me up, throw away the keys, and smash my computer to a thousand pieces so I can never write another blog again) I liked her; I cared about her. And some part of me knew if we had any sort of physical exchange everything would be ruined.
Did she see it this way? She offered herself to me, wanting to feel loved, and I turned her down. Not because I didn’t want to sleep with her—the next day I felt as though someone handed me a gun and I slammed a bullet right through my own foot—but because I truly cared for her. I could tell she was desperately seeking something—we both were—and she wasn’t going to find it in me. Was she crushed? She deleted my number from her phone. I sent her letters, she mailed me piles of ash. She avoided me at work, and blatantly draped herself over other men. We never saw each other again.
Heartbreaking. Sure. But not because I didn’t get the girl. We all lose the girl at some point. What does this say about the human race, though? Someone you barely know doesn’t connect with you physically, doesn’t take you to bed, refuses to be naked in front of you, and you feel rejected, unattractive, unloved.
You’re so much more than that.
This is why sex is so dangerous, powerful, and addictive. It provides us the opportunity to see a world where everything is perfect for a few fleeting moments, but when the moments pass we realize we’ve seen a world we can never create on our own.
So we give ourselves away again and again hoping to start new, to find redemption, to wash away the past, seeking a perfection that only lasts a moment.
Sex was given to us as a harmless gift in the beginning. A gift meant to be shared between two people for the rest of their lives as the ultimate expression of love. The weapon wasn’t loaded when God handed us the gun. We just had the bullets in our pockets all along.
We are the ones who put the round in the chamber.
When we aren’t at peace, when we aren’t content, we’re triggered. We’re turned on. We’re seeking with skilled excellence to find that contentment, and it’s easier to find it in that woman eyeing you from across the bar, the boy offering you a drink at the party. But how will you feel in the morning? You’ll still be searching.
Can you imagine living in that constant state of contentment? Forever being okay with what you have. We have so much around us, so much to provide us joy, but for some reason we’re always fixated on what we don’t have. We’ll never be content this way.
Whether you’re a Christian or not, it doesn’t matter. You still live in a world where you are free to do everything. But this does not mean that everything should be done. Freedom is seen as being able to do whatever we want, whenever we’d like. But this is a terrible lie. That isn’t freedom at all. Freedom is being able to have whatever you want and getting along just fine without it.
You also have the freedom to choose. And many of you may have chosen to believe Christians can be judgmental, hypocritical, condemning, and fake. Nobody’s perfect. In fact, as a Christian, I’ve been all of that before and still struggle with some of it today. And for anyone who is reading this right now that’s ever been burned by religion, told you were wrong, suffering from a broken relationship, hurt by sex, turned off by someone who’s judged you and swore you an eternity in hell, I want to take this opportunity and apologize to you. I know you don’t know me, and I don’t know your story, but I’m sorry for the way you’ve been treated. You’re loved, and you’re destined for greatness.
That might not be the apology you’ve been looking for, but hopefully it’s the start the revolution we’ve been waiting for.
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